Sidekicks star in prequel ‘Minions’

Music to your ears?

Ultimately, this film will probably make tons of money because of the reputation generated by the earlier films, but although it has humorous parts, it lacks depth.

Minions starts at the beginning of time, literally, with little prehistoric Minions serving various bad guys. They lose some of their magic when they’re front and center, onscreen nearly every minute. Was Lennon so cruel?! It demands that they behave in an un-Minion-like manner that’s contrary to why we fell in love with them in the first place. A short distance, to be exact, which is in keeping with the sawed-off stature of the movie’s titular critters – the Twinkie-shaped, Twinkie-colored, gibberish-spouting mischief makers who instantly endeared themselves to audiences in 2010’s animated hit “Despicable Me”. Sometimes they don’t even know who’s in the movie with them. They worked with Dracula for a while, before inadvertently frying him. So now we’re forced to consider how the Minions evolved when they are all apparently male. But “Minions” is, in sharp contrast, totally mirthless.

Indeed, while the next Despicable Me installment is still in development, the makers of Minions likely had visions of more plush-toy sales in their heads during the conception stage, hoping to turn yellow into green.

This weekend, Minions opens in 25 additional foreign markets, including France, Mexico and Russian Federation. In this case, Scarlett Overkill (voiced by Sandra Bullock) proves to be the flawless blend of sexy and evil.

The three minions finally land a job to serve Scarlett as recruits, and the mission to steal Queen Elizabeth’s crown in England commences. And it’s not like I want to think about this, either, but the movie forced me to: What, no Hitler for the Minions to worship and serve and kill? The Minions live to shriek and waddle like constant fire alarms.

Balda and Coffin (the latter director supplies the vaguely Latin-based voices of all the Minions) have much more fun with 3D, especially in the post-closing-credits musical number that went unviewed by the vast majority of the preview audience.

Eventually this all leads to an inevitable tease for more profi… adventures to come. It’s great to hear the Who’s “My Generation” and the Kinks’ “You Really Got Me”, but will any child understand the gag when the Minions pop up at Abbey Road and see four well-shod pedestrians march across the crosswalk?

“Minions”, too, has plenty to appeal to those taking their kids and grandkids. Like most anything else?

What we’re left with is a loosely connected string of pratfalls, fart sounds and the repeated flashing of little yellow tushies, all set to a classic rock beat. However, one can’t determine if the film’s referencing Stanley Kramer or Woody Allen or Dr. Seuss or In Like Flint at any given moment, given how all of the context explodes onto the screen simultaneously. This all plays out in less than 30 seconds before moving on. But again, no features ever register. As the Minions would say “Beedo…” whatever that means.

The majority of the voice casting works.

Take, for instance, the Queen’s Corgis in a visual bit.

But that’s no surprise at this point: The Minions film represents the film industry’s eagerness to respond to what is popular by making more of that thing. “Minions” spoofs the Anglophile obsession of all things royal family, but it’s just as content to make tea time and stubborn politeness jokes.