Ben Carson would not abort baby Hitler

Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush (left) says he would kill Adolf Hitler on the day of his birthday on April 20, 1889-if time travel were possible.

The floundering Republican presidential candidate said, “Hell, yeah”, earlier this week when an Internet user asked if he would use time travel, if it were possible, to attempt to avert the Holocaust by murdering the future Nazi dictator.

Sen. Marco Rubio and former Gov. Jeb Bush no longer lead the polls in Florida, where Republicans are gravitating toward outsiders Donald Trump and Ben Carson.

“I think that people, when they show up, they ought to work. I just don’t understand why that’s such a complex thing”, he said to applause at the event, which was held in a Coca-Cola bottling facility.

“I have an advantage because I have thousands of jobs in Florida”, Trump said. It’s also the inspiration for one of the best, and most frequently shared, humor pieces online called “Everyone Kills Hitler Their First Time”, in which future time travelers keep preventing others from taking actions that stop Hitler’s rise to power. Rubio campaign manager Terry Sullivan wrote in a fundraising email, referencing Bush’s previous comments that he was running for president “joyfully”, according to the Washington Post. “It could have a unsafe effect on everything else, but I’d do it – I mean, Hitler”, he said with a shrug.

On Tuesday, the Huffington Post reported on a new video asking Carson the same question. “But if you want a doer, someone that’s done it, someone that’s taken on the tough challenges, I am your candidate”. Like, couldn’t most adults kill a baby if they had to?

“I’m so proud of his high-voltage energy, I’m so proud of his enthusiasm, I’m so proud of his eloquence”, Bush says. In fact, my political career can be summed up by the song “Wannabe”, if you replace the word “lover” with “President”, and then the words “my friends” with “my extremely wealthy political-élite family with two former Presidents in it”.