President Obama Pardons TOTUS: The Turkey Of The United States

This year, President Obama had his choice of two turkeys for the pardon, “Honest” and “Abe”.

“All of us recognize how horrific and heinous what took place in Paris was”, Obama said. Malia will be in college for next year and this might be the last time she could join the president in the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation. Just kidding(ish)! The Thanksgiving holiday is conceptually bullshit and so is pardoning a turkey. But not about Honest and Abe, about how grownup Sasha and Malia Obama look!

The Guantanamo prison now has a total of 107 inmates, a number significantly lower than the 800 it had when it was first opened by former president George W. Bush after the terror attacks of September 11, 2001 in US.

But in China, a translation mix-up saw the second turkey’s name rendered not as the one-syllable “Abe” but with two characters pronounced “ah-bay”, the same as those used in the name of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

Actually, “Honest” and “Abe” are scheduled to be on public display at a park inLeesburg, Va., in a barn known as “the White House on Turkey Hill”, Obama said – “which actually sounds pretty good”.

Along with transfers to foreign countries, moving the most risky prisoners to a specialised facility in the United States is at the heart of the White House strategy to close Guantanamo.

Obama himself seemed to acknowledge as much when, apparently going off script, he said: “I am going to publicly thank Malia and Sasha for once again standing here with me”.

The President then became a bit more serious, talking about his volunteering with his family “to help serve a Thanksgiving meal to homeless veterans here in D.C”.

“It’s understandable that people worry something similar could happen here”.

“That’s just changing the zip code”, Remes said.

“It is hard to believe that this is my seventh year of pardoning turkey”.

Less seriously, Obama noted that one of the turkeys got very close to White House aide David Simas. “Time flies, even though turkeys don’t”.

“So as Americans travel this weekend to be with their loved ones, I want them to know that our counterterrorism, intelligence, homeland security, and law enforcement professionals at every level are working overtime”.