Alan Pardew proves he’s a lunatic with ridiculous goal celebration

Puncheon, relegated to the substitutes’ bench for the FA Cup final in a shock move by Crystal Palace manager Pardew on Saturday, stormed out of the dressing room after the match and had to be ordered back by coach John Salako.

United beat Palace 2-1 after extra time courtesy of a Jesse Lingard strike, though it appears not enough to keep Louis van Gaal in the manager’s seat at Old Trafford.

“All the players conducted themselves well and we are trying to take the defeat with dignity”. The two goals that Manchester United came up with is the sort of level we are at. “We go home and lick our wounds”.

Pop quiz: Your team goes ahead in the FA Cup final. “I am a team player and I can learn a lot from everyone and, as I said before, when you win a trophy everything is easier because you can build from that and the confidence is bigger”.

The most controversial call came when Chris Smalling brought down Connor Wickham near the United box, Clattenburg blowing immediately for the free-kick and denying Wickham a chance to play on with an advantage – which would have put him in on goal.

“We played with heart and passion”. Everything. And they deserved to win but the game is like that. “It could have gone either way, unfortunately for us it didn’t go our way”.

Pardew defended his use of video messages from players’ friends and families which reduced Wilf Zaha to tears on the pitch before kick-off. Assumptions were made that the former United winger had failed to prove his fitness after three games out but they were not correct.

Smalling said: “I think the over-riding emotion was one of relief”.