Ben Carson Becomes Last Major Candidate to File for New Hampshire Primary

Following last week’s “The Adventures of Young Ben Carson” sketch, we were treated to a present-day Carson, who swore he was all “fired up” about the Syrian refugee issue. “If we’re just gonna pick out a particular group of people based on their religion, based on their race, based on a few other thing, that’s setting a pretty risky precedent”. “Who are the people who want to come in here and hurt us and want to destroy us?”

Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson, who filed for the New Hampshire presidential primary on Friday, said there ought to be a database on everyone who comes into the country.

“We should monitor anything – mosque, church, school, you know, shopping center – where there’s a lot of radicalization going on”, Carson said.

Carson has not spent almost as much time campaigning around the cities and towns of New Hampshire as a few of his Republican rivals have, yet he is sitting high in third place in the state’s latest Real Clear Politics average. “Usually, they’ve already written the story”. “But don’t listen to the narratives that try to say, ‘Oh he doesn’t know anything, ‘ and therefore I can say exactly the same things someone else is saying and they say, ‘Oh look, he knows what he’s talking about'”.

Separately, Carson said Thursday that Islamic State militants are more organized and sophisticated than the al-Qaida terrorists who carried out the 9/11 attacks.

Carson announced that next week, he would be releasing a list of his foreign policy advisers and that he also was expecting his one millionth small donor contribution. Lampooning the candidate’s low-key nature and quiet voice, “Carson” apologized for seeming agitated and warned viewers they may need to turn the sound down on the their televisions.

After finishing the official filing ritual, Carson sat down with the New Hampshire press corps and was asked about his thoughts on Donald Trump’s assertion about a database in the United States to track Muslims.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to treat anybody differently”, he said.

“I’m here to hear the heart of New Hampshire”, Carson exclaimed to excited fans and onlookers.