Ben Stiller’s praise for Penelope Cruz

In 2001, Derek Zoolander used the tiniest cell phone imaginable. It’s a symbol of his inability to change, emblematic of his dated cool, now cold.

‘If you find Zoolander’s mannered style of speaking and his narcissism and his monumentally tiny brain hilarious, I can’t argue with you.

The freakish 007-meets-The Omen narrative creakily winds around celebrities being mysteriously and ruthlessly machine-gunned, their last grimaces recorded as Blue Steel selfies – including Bieber’s, whose opening-credits “peace out” is actually one of the film’s few genuinely amusing moments. This is the same character but it doesn’t tie into that movie.

Admittedly, once Will Ferrell does come into the picture, Zoolander 2 does pick up to an extent and remains marginally interesting based on the fact of how freakish and creative the motivations of Mugatu are. They also spend a lot of time on celebrity cameos that feel fresh early on (look for Benedict Cumberbatch as a fantastically weird and creepy model named All) but become overused by the end of the film.

As with “Zoolander”, Stiller is the primary creative force for the sequel, again starring, directing and co-writing. Overall it was a sequel that made too much of an effort to bring laughs. The sequel is significantly worse.

Miserable and forgotten, Zoolander has gone into self-imposed exile in the frigid northern wilds (of New Jersey), huddling alone in a cabin like the world’s best-coiffed mountain man. Meanwhile, his estranged friend and ex-rival, Hansel (Owen Wilson), quit modeling after being disfigured in a freak accident.

And here’s the amusing, fashionable trailer to get you in the mood…

Just don’t take the kids. His face is scrunched in a familiar expression – eyes in a faux-smolder, lips puckered, cheekbones sharp. Their embarrassment is only alleviated by an Interpol agent, Melanie Valentina (Penelope Cruz, game but out of place), who needs Derek’s assistance solving a conspiracy, which soon includes the teenage son he lost custody of because he’s, yes, incredibly stupid.

Stars, Spotted Other stars appear quickly, some of whom flash across the screen so fast, they’re easy to miss: Olivia Munn, Joe Jonas, singer Susan Boyle, ice skater Johnny Weir, rapper A$AP Rocky, and music producer Skrillex.

The film’s attempt to go beyond a strict reliance on fan service and come up with bits that, if not fresh, are at least new, is admirable, relatively speaking. Remember that all of Hansel’s *ahem* orgy are pregnant?

This stuff, Billy Zane jokes included, lurks quietly around the periphery of comedy. But it’s been a decade-and-a-half since DZ roamed the runway – too long ago to feel current, but too recent to offer much in the way of nostalgia – so there may not be much if any of a need to be filled. Southern Uranus sounds about right. The vast sets built at Rome’s storied Cinecitta studios are blasé and the likes of Kristen Wiig, doing her best Donatella Versace, and Will Ferrell, returning as the monstrous couturier Mugatu, give over-the-top performances.