Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her insane Colleague, Never Broke Any

State Rep. Cindy Gamrat choked up repeatedly throughout a press conference at a Lansing law firm Friday afternoon while addressing her “personal indiscretion” with Rep. Todd Courser for the first time since the scandal broke. After noting that she had made “poor decisions” regarding her personal life, she had done nothing wrong as an elected official.

By the end of next week, an investigator hopes to mostly finish an inquiry into whether Michigan lawmakers misused resources to hide their extramarital relationship and fired aides unwilling to participate in a cover-up.

Based on audio recordings obtained by The Detroit News, it reported that Courser tried to cover up his affair with Gamrat by organizing the distribution of an untrue email saying he had sex with a male prostitute. And the aide was all, “Bro, that’s insane”, and Courser was like, “Just do it”, apparently unconcerned that asking his aide to take a fake sick day to send out fake incriminating spam email is spending tax payer money for such a thing.

Courser apologized but stated that he will not resign. In nine minutes of prepared remarks and a few questions from reporters, the state Representative expressed repentance for her alleged adulterous affair with fellow lawmaker Todd Courser.

Those former staffers released a joint statement after his accusations came out.

And it is in the email and the circumstances surrounding it that will provide the focus of the House’s investigation.

Courser and Gamrat, both freshmen in Michigan’s state House, had a relatively short history of co-sponsoring each other’s favorite legislation that always centered on preserving Christian family values and blasting the possibility of legalizing same-sex marriage.

Gamrat has made no statement regarding the issue or the blackmail.

She said she has no part in that at all.

Gamrat said during the press conference that she had no knowledge of that email.

In an unusual arrangement, Courser and Gamrat combined operations and shared three staffers despite having districts on opposite sides of the state.

“It is mystifying to be in the middle of this hurricane and to be totally here and be present and feel the full fury of so much condemnation”, Courser wrote.

He said he will be exonerated on claims that he used state resources and staff improperly.

“I believe an open and honest investigation will exonerate me”, Gamrat said, adding that she would have no further comment about the controversy until the formal investigation is concluded.

It is absolutely not “essential for the cause of liberty”, as Rep. Courser asserts, that he remain in public office.