Caitlyn Considered Suicide While Transitioning

Caitlyn Jenner was in “dark places”.

What appears to be a relatively settled and loving relationship between father and daughter is summed up when Caitlyn states: “I have no problems with Kylie“.

And with those words, Caitlyn Jenner arrives, Sunday on E! at 8 p.m., in what is surely the most anticipated series in the network’s history – possibly among the most anticipated docuseries in cable history.

From Caitlyn’s introduction to her mother and sisters to visiting the family of a transgender teen who committed suicide, it’s emotionally gut-wrenching from start to finish. Caitlyn also attends a balloon-release ceremony for Kyler on a beach.

And while some people are concerned that Caitlyn is becoming a symbol for the transgender movement when her story is not largely relatable to the majority of the community, others maintain that any positive representation in the media is a start. “What a responsibility I have to this community. Picking out this outfit – okay girls, I get it!” The reality star struggled living as Bruce, and says there were times she thought about ending her life. That tension is very much on display in the premiere, which obviously seeks a more elevated plane – keenly aware of Jenner’s platform to educate and assist vulnerable youths – while clinging to familiar reality-TV conventions.

Kim likened Caitlyn to her daughter, top model and Chanel runway regular, Kendall Jenner.

“It’s a lot of getting used to but I will. I will”.

The former athlete admitted that her struggle to cope with being born the wrong gender had lead her to consider the unthinkable. In a promo clip setting up the rest of the season, Kim says to Caitlyn, “You look fantastic, it’s your time, but you don’t have to bash us on your way up”. That will never change.

–Family matters: The bulk of the premiere involves Caitlyn making her introduction to her mother and sisters – and the varying feelings that materialize from that. It’s something she’s fully cognizant of and addresses in the first episode, much like in her speech at the ESPYs after accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award.

And the first thing the pregnant mum says is: “I didn’t know you were on Twitter”.

“Mom has that, too“, says Kim.

How heartwarming (by the way, isn’t it just like Kim Kardashian to praise Caitlyn on her thinness?).

“I never guessed”, she said.

Various members of the Kardashian/Jenner family pop in and out as well, although they mostly stick to the periphery of the main narrative and are, frankly, the least interesting parts of the episode.

After a decade spent on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Jenner has now graduated to her own show, I Am Cait, following her transition earlier this year.

The only time in the entire episode we see Caitlyn nervous is when she’s about to meet her mum. “With Bunim /Murray, it’s been the opposite of inspiration”.

That the show’s producers REALLY know what they’re doing.

Kylie is said to have gifted Caitlyn teal extensions from her hair line which match the ones she is often shown wearing.

What happens in the first episode of I Am Cait?